The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I really liked this last boyfriend but he broke up with me for no reason and won't even tell me why. I feel like people are just lining up to hurt me in some way shape or form. Maybe I am truly meant to be alone. I hate my heart hurting so much. Isn't there any decent guy left in this world? I'm left to pick up the pieces once more and face this cold cruel world alone. I just don't get it anymore. I shut down for a few days completely stopped talking to everyone. Men in different countries and states tell me not to give up. That they love me, its all bullshit. It's all lies. I blocked everyone in the last six months I've dated or liked. I have no room in my life anymore for cruel people. I did manage to snag a good job I enjoy doing. It's 22 miles away from home and I work the graveyard shift. I don't mind I just wish I had someone blowing up my phone to talk to me. I wish my coworkers would talk to me. I spend my time in silence which I hate. I've been throwing myself into my job in the hopes I can forget. When will this hell and torment end? When will it be my time to be happy?

I'm having a hard time trusting my new boyfriend. I think Mr heartbreak really fucked with my mind. So tomorrow I was supposed to have a date. But suddenly he's sick. Maybe he really is sick. I don't believe it though I want to. But I'm sceptical. I fucking hate that. This is my last chance for men to prove me wrong of my current opinion of them. A good man is so hard to find let alone keep. Saturday I have to go back to the city in order for her to see sob2 before he skips out of state. I wish I didn't have to go alone.

Fuck it I've decided to be Mr. Sg girlfriend. At least he won't play me like a fool and stand me up

Too exhausted to sleep

I'm doing better mentally. I got over what happened. I messaged sob1 he denies any sort of involvement with my dreams. So I guess we are on some sort of friend level. Mr sg asked me out. I haven't given him an answer yet. I don't know if I should say yes. But on the other hand Mr heartbreak stopped talking to me almost a week ago. He doesn't want me. Why shouldn't I go out with Mr sg? I'm sick of being hurt. I am hoping to start my new job within a week or so. I know it's going to suck but I have to take it. I only have myself. I'm confused and lost. Maybe I should stop being chicken and just say yes to meet on Wednesday. What can it hurt?

Another nightmare with sob #1 I did nothing but toss and turn and cry in my sleep all night. I'm beyond exhaustion at this point.

I'm being stalked by a man in a red blazer......

I decided to stay home today and try to relax. I'm doing my best to not think about anyone or anything.

It felt so good to get out of town today. I didn’t go far but it still was great to get out. I managed to snag an interview at a potential job today, so all wasn’t for naught. It’s going to tear up my body though. It’s hard labor, assembly for heavy metal shit. I lied and said I was in perfect health. I left out my injuries, I need this job. So I lied through my teeth. Hopefully I get it. I did go on a lunch date today but it didn’t really go as planned. Unfortunately. It went pretty horrible. The conversation was nice, the kiss was nice, but everything else, sucked. In a bad way. Instead of going for my walk I ended up driving tonight crying my eyes out. I had plenty of people on fb messenger talk to me tonight but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them anything about the date. I miss Mr. Heartbreak. So much. I hate the fact he played me like a fool then just stopped talking to me like I was nothing. I hate it so much. I sent him a message today calling everything quits. I just can’t take it anymore. I have to remind myself he doesn’t care about me. Everything he ever told me was a lie. I bet he never even loved me like he said he did. I was hoping my lunch date would get me to forget all about him. But it was just another person who was eager to hurt me. Go figure. I can’t trust anyone anymore. I can’t let my guard down. I think I am done for a while. I think I am going to throw myself into my job to be and writing. I think for a while I am going to go silent. As much as I hate the silence, I think it’s time I do so.



“I want to be your friend

To the very end.”

You whisper as you say my name

“I want to play a little game.”

Kissing me gently

Luring me in sweetly.

Rough calloused hands caressed me

“I want to set you free.”

Ankles and wrists tied to the bed

As you stroke my head

Your smile turning twisted and sly

I realized then you were going to make me cry

I wasn’t ready for what happened next

No one knew where I was at couldn’t save me even with a text

The next thing I know I’m hurting inside

Your grunts getting louder I wish I would have died

It went on for hours

I lost strength and power

Your hands around my throat darkness swirls in front of my eyes

Is this the way I’m supposed to die?

Finally it’s over with and done

Finally I’m untied and can run

So much torment within

Hating the cruelty and sin

Hopefully March will be better.....